When I was 20 years old, and a junior at Duke University, I had a girlfriend of whom my friends were not particularly fond.  We would break up and, inevitably, a couple weeks later, get back together.  My friends employed any number of tactics to get the break-ups to stick, from calls to reason to impassioned pleas to mocking derision.  None of it worked.  Now, she was not a bad person.  Nor was I, I hope.  But we were bad together, and I kept making the repeated mistake of going back to the well in the hopes that I would somehow find its waters fresh and unsullied the next time.  The only thing strong enough to end this destructive cycle, in the end, was the Atlantic Ocean.  I went abroad to Dublin for the spring semester of my junior year, and that finally put an end to this string of poor decisions.

Last night, Grayson Allen, also a 20-year old junior at Duke University, made the same, stupid, regrettable mistake that he’s made twice before: he intentionally tripped a player during a college basketball game.  There are any number of niggling differences between these scenarios that you can point out, but the chief difference is that Grayson committed his various sins before a national TV audience, whereas I committed mine in the relative privacy of my peer group.  I was afforded the opportunity to grow up and make my mistakes, of which there were many, without millions of people watching whereas he, as a player for one of the nation’s most loved or loathed teams (depending on your fandom), had his foibles play out before the American sporting public.

Some have argued that Grayson’s offense is grievous because he could have seriously injured another player.  That is a valid concern and a reason that his behavior should be addressed.  However, if you watch any of the three incidents in question, at no point was the opposing player in any danger of injury, and it appears absurd to claim that Grayson’s intent was to injure or harm said opponent.  He was lashing out, clearly in the wrong, at a perceived injustice.  But there did not seem to be any malicious intent, and the person suffering the most grievous harm from the repeated incidents is undoubtedly Grayson himself, given the scorn and opprobrium being heaped upon him in the aftermath.

Another valid point that has been raised is status as of the college athlete (or professional for that matter) as role model.  And this is a cogent argument.  Does Grayson have a responsibility to his young fans and Duke University to set a higher standard of conduct?  Absolutely.  There are innumerable kids watching him and rooting for him by virtue of the platform that playing for Duke provides.  He has an obligation to take that responsibility seriously and hold himself to a higher standard of conduct.   I don’t like what he’s done and the negative light that it shines on my alma matter one bit.  But let’s be clear about the offense.  He didn’t beat his girlfriend or punch a woman, as other athletes have done.  He didn’t break any laws, just the norms of good sportsmanship.  He didn’t actually cause any physical or emotional harm to any opponent.  More than anything else, he’s tarnished his own image and potentially affected his draft stock, if that matters to you (as I’m sure it does to him).  If he actually hurt anyone on the court, it was his teammates, who had to witness his outburst and who now will have to answer questions about his actions at every turn.  Let’s keep a bit of perspective on this incident and muzzle the ridiculous calls for him to be suspended for the rest of the year, which I’ve seen on various message boards.

In light of the incident, Duke and Coach K have taken appropriate action and suspended him indefinitely.  I would imagine that this suspension would last somewhere between three and five games, which seems commensurate with the infraction.  Does Grayson need some time away from the court to think about his actions and figure out a way to stop lashing out?  Certainly.  Should he see a sports psychologist who can perhaps help him channel his anger in more productive directions?  Probably.  But that’s a private matter for him, his family, and his coaches.

Grayson Allen is a passionate player who clearly loves basketball and loves playing it for Duke.  He turned down the opportunity to be a first-round draft pick in the NBA because he wanted to work on his game but also because he loves being at Duke, where he feels protected and loved (which one can appreciate, given the hostility and outright hatred he has encountered at arenas across the country).  He has, regrettably, let Duke down by another unfortunate lapse in judgment.  But this doesn’t make him a terrible person, nor should it make him the object of derision, slurs, and insults.  He’s an entertaining basketball player who others will love to hate.  And, make no mistake, part of this is simply because he is good, he plays for Duke, and he is white.

Duke has long been a lightning rod for those who hate the fact that they’re too good, too entitled, or too white.  There is a long and storied tradition of fans—mostly white themselves—hating good white Duke players because reverse racism isn’t really racism and therefore is OK.  It began with Christian Laettner and continued with JJ Reddick, Steve Wojciechowski, and Greg Paulus.  And now it’s Grayson Allen’s turn.  But don’t hate the player.  Hate the program if you must.  This is a 20-year-old kid who admittedly fucked up.  He knows it.  That’s why his reaction on the bench was so over-the-top and seemingly out of control.  Because he knew the hatred and derision that would yet again be coming his way.  And in the aftermath, he’s apologized for his behavior profusely.  He recognizes his mistakes and wants more than anyone not to commit them again.

When he does come back, please, just let him be a college kid and learn from his mistakes.  He does need to learn from them and he does need to grow, but let ye among us who didn’t make the same damn mistakes over and again in college and elsewhere cast the first stone.  Have you ever sworn you would never drink on a weeknight before a workday before?  Or gotten into a shouting match at a local sports bar, again?  Or gone back to that girl or guy you knew was completely wrong for you, telling yourself that this, this was the last time?   When Grayson Allen returns for Duke, as he eventually will, you can bet I’ll be rooting for him, just as 20-year old me did and just as 40-year old me continues to do.  Might he screw up again?  I hope not.  Might I?  Might you?  Probably.  To err is human, to forgive divine.